Suggested memes for eager trendseekers

from patchworkunderground.com.
It turns out porno quilting
is a real thing.

I've got a lot of very fine ideas for hit nonfiction memoir/self-help titles, but am too lazy to write them.  Would you like to?  You don't even have to share the money with me, just thank me profusely in your acknowledgements section.  Which, by law, must be at least three pages long.

Passive Daddy's Parenting Boot Camp

My Year Of Only Snacking

Vodka Buddha

1000 Prescriptions: My Harrowing Journey Through Hell To Purity

Fertility By Proxy: A Love Story

Baby Talk Saved Our Marriage

Kickball King: A 40-Year-Old Man Repeats Fifth Grade

Chimp Vs. Child: A Homeschooling Odyssey

Pill Pals

Bros Before Hoes: How Four Heterosexual Men Discovered Communal Gardening

The Hirsute Nearsighted Men's Midnight Samovar Society

The Videogame Organic Cola Cure

Hipster Tent City: Six Months In A Vacant Lot In Flatbush

The Power Of Clowning

Vow Of Silence

Canning Therapy

The Swap: How My Sister And I Traded Husbands And Why We're Not Switching Back

Laced: How I Overcame Drug Addiction Through Tatting

In The Margin: My Year Living In A Highway Median Strip

Kickboxing Librarian Sex Goddess Speaks

Philosopher Dogwalker

Mating Call Of The Thai Noodle Daddy

Cry Every Hour

The Booksellers' Noonday Forced Laughter Club

Krumping With Aunt Sue: How L.A. Street Dancing Healed My Family

Driving My Neighbor's Kid From Houston To Anchorage

The Lego Sex Life Solution

Par None: How I Found Myself Through Ironic Golf Playing

The Unemployed Academics' Five O'Clock Actors' Studio

My Year Of Muttonchops

Scavenge For Life

How I Found And Kept True Love Through Celibacy

The Netflix Marriage

My Year Of Buying Every Single Thing I Wanted

Multiple Orgasms Through Prayer

My Year Of Being Constantly Stoned

My Year Of Lies

Porno Quilter

Women Who ( ) Too Much

While working at the bookstore the other day I was intrigued by a book in the Women's Health section titled Eating, Drinking, Overthinking because it summed up my life so perfectly. However, it occurred to me to wonder why this book is aimed at women, since, actually, the men I know indulge in all three just as heartily as them women, if not more so. More men are overweight, more men are alcoholics, and while I'm not sure exactly what "overthinking" is, certainly men do it too, if the statistics on stalking reflect men's tendency to have obsessive thoughts.

But even if there were a Men's Health section (perhaps with a slim book on prostate cancer and another on bodybuilding) you would be unlikely to find a book talking about the way men are sucked into a "toxic triangle" of unhealthy behaviors -- because the assumption is that men are perfectly fine with their eating, their drinking, and even their overthinking. And, well, hmm, maybe they are, but maybe that's because no one's writing books scolding them about it.

If you do a Google search for "men who" and "too much" you find the classic book Men Who Love Too Much and a parody article "Men Who Love Hummels Too Much." But if you do the same search with "women," you find that women also love too much, but in addition they think too much, date too much, exercise too much, and plain old DO too much.

Of course the reason is not that women are more flawed than men -- and no one really thinks that -- but that women are more likely to buy self-help books. And Eating, Drinking, Overthinking will probably help a lot of women who will be, as I was, intrigued by the linking of these behaviors.

Nevertheless, it's awfully cynical to market a book to women because they're more likely to buy it if it's exclusively about them, when in fact the book describes universal problems.

Oh, well, maybe I'm overthinking.